Brain Poo

My gums are still not fully healed, but much, much better. I am actually looking forward to eating food tonight, and that is crazy since eating food is really all I have going in my life.

I saw Winter Passing last night and it stood out as OK only because of Will Ferrell's character "Corbit."

I rented the first season of "Da Ali G show," and that is some seriously funny shit. I can't wait to see more, and I also noticed that the second season of "Deadwood" is out on DVD.

Back to the Dentist after a nine year absence

About a week ago my tooth started to hurt. A little background on my teeth: I take good care of my teeth, but I haven't paid someone else to care for my teeth since 1997. As I knew all along, this was a mistake.

So I went to the dentist to have the doctor look at my tooth, but the doctor was on vacation. So the hygenist just gave me the normal cleaning while working around my bad tooth. By the normal cleaning, I mean that she used a special tool to clean the nearly ten years of tartar build-up between my teeth and under my gums. This special tool was a pen-sized pressure washer that shot a tiny(extremely high-powered) stream of water. When this stream hit my gums it felt as if a razor was cutting through them. Unfortunately for me, my now tartar-free teeth are supported by what used to be gums, but are now a bloody pulpy substance. This has caused me to completely forget about the bad tooth, and ingest three ibuprofen every three hours(plus two vicoden on Saturday. That was overkill).

Pets

The dog got me up at 5 am today. I've learned an important lesson from this: Once you're up in the morning, just stay up. I stayed up playing with the dog until about 7 am when she got sleepy again, then I went back to bed. An hour and a half later, when I had to get up for work, I was exhausted.

Wife and I are both really enjoying this new responsibility. Hopefully, in a month from now, we won't be fighting about who gets up to let the dog outside. For now, we both love to take care of her, and Shnitzle gives Wife something to nurture(annoy) besides me, which is great, and I have more reason to stay home at night and not go out and get beligerently drunk and pay someone to drive food to my house at midnight.

Schnitzle

Wow, I've been busy. Wife and I got a dog Thursday evening, May 13. It is a three month old female dachsund, and it kicks ass. We named her "Shnitzle." Having this puppy is a blast.

Healthy Lifestyle

I love how my Google ads just have the word "drunk" as an ad. The only reason I put them up is to see how they would generalize me. I guess they summed it up pretty well.

I had a health screening today, and it basically informed me that I could drop dead at any time. Basically what happens is, they prick your finger and take a blood sample to test your cholesterol. Then they take your blood pressure, and then they test your carbon monoxide levels. Then I fill out a health and lifestyle questionairre that I blatantly lie on repeatedly out of fear of them sending my confidential answers to my insurance company/employer or anyone else they can sell the information to. Then they sum up the results of the tests and the questionarre in a cute little pamphlet called a "Personal Wellness Profile." Or in my case a "Personal Un-Wellness Profile"(Uh-Thank-you.) My favorite part in the pamphlet is when they told me that my health age was 32.5. Thanks for that. One of the other suggestions was to eat breakfast. I love this one.

Me: "I'd like to maintain an ideal body weight and not be such a fat ass."
Them: "Add a meal."
Me: "Thanks."

I'm pushing thirty and I'm pretty much doomed. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

Monday Movie Review

The Family Stone was a pretty good movie. I usually don't like movies that spend the whole movie endearing you to a character only to kill the character off at the end, but this one was OK, and Luke Wilson is funny in it. Did you know there is going to be an Old School 2?

Duane Hopwood was what I expected it to be. A Sundance film that has great character development, but no plot, and an ending that just comes out nowhere and doesn't tie up any loose ends or create any type of closure for the movie. I always enjoy these types of movies. I'll rent one of these any day before seeing something unoriginal. David Schwimmer is great in it.

I watched Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged me again this weekend. I caught part of Goldmember on cable last week and it reminded me of how funny these movies are.

The Constant Gardener is worth seeing if only for educational purposes. This movie sheds light on issues not often discussed such as greed, and evil. It's not all that entertaining, but you definitely will learn something about how the world works.

Recipe for Success

I think I will mow the lawn tonight whilst drinking a/10 beer/s.

We had a potluck at work today. We usually have them once a month or so, and they kick fucking ass. When you work with almost all women, potluck is no joke. It is basically like ten of us feasting upon every type of casserole and treat invented. I'm talking about potatoe salad, pasta salad, tuna salad, taco dip , beans, spinach dip, brownies, and all sorts of little cakes and pies.

I just read that over and dear lord is my life pathetic. I'm not even going to delete that. This is what I look forward to people. Good god. I'm so glad that absolutely no one checks this site except myself because I feel like such a fat American right now. Wow.

Overreation

Well, wife got me fired up about the basement for no reason last night. I don't know, to me, "water in the basement" means that there is standing water threatening to swallow up the entire house and destroy everything that I own. Apparently, to her, it means there is a puddle in the basement the size that a cocker spaniel leaves when it gets all excited and piddles on the floor when someone pets it. I guess she was right, there was "water in the basement." Very, very, little water.

Golden Shower

I feel anxious because my fucking basement is wet. It fucking leaked in there. Wife(who has been home all day while I slave at work) says that I should "check it out." How about you "check it out" with a fucking shop-vac or get a goddamned job and "check out" some fucking bills. I hate that shit, man. I am getting so drunk tonight.